The Melancholy of Roland
by xxYoNgFiKxx
Summary: Roland loves hot anime girls, except nobody likes him so yeah. I'm Batman, BTW. By Jelly, Action, Shazam and Ronny.


Deep in a basement far, far away in the land of Deleware, there lived a Touhou fanboy of much girth named: Roland Rollergan. He was mocked frequently during middle school, and then he got expelled from school for bringing in his body pillow into school. One day, however, he humped his Reimu body pillow so hard he entered it and landed in the wonderful land of Genskyoko! It's normally hell for most people due to all the lolicons in S&M bikinis, but a man with no morals like Roland considers it paradise.

However, he then realised that he was hallucinating and woke up in the principal's office wearing only a pair of shoes. The kids in the school came into the principal's office and laughed at his small penis stuck inside the body pillow. He started hallucinating again, however. Everyone turned into his favourite anime girls!

He soon started to chase after them. The principal's pet pitbull kept trying to get between the large mass of gelatin and the young girl, who kept bouncing back and forth along the right wall in panic. And then, from witnessing this, Roland was reminded of the song Young Girl and, to his frustration, forgot who performed it. When he went home afterwards, he went to look it up but then his computer's screensaver popped up of loli hentai!

There was silence while Roland jacked off awkwardly. Suddenly, his mother walked in. Her face filled with fear. Because he was hallucinating, however, he tried to...Fuck his mother!

Too bad he has a thing for milfs, for he always wanted to fuck the class president's mom like a jackhammer. But shortly before he was able to, his mother's head exploded. Roland actually had a fetish for corpses, so he fucked her anyway. Suddenly, BATMAN came from the corner and punched him in the balls.

He fell down and exploded into LUDICROUS GIBS! However, Batman was shocked to see the remains of the fat beast and his mom slowly mold into one...! And then they became the legion known as... the Skyfoogle. Batman screamed "QUICK! GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! THE SKYFOOGLE HAS ESCAPED!"

Everybody ran away as fast as they could and suddenly General Darian burst out of the door with a lunchbox in his hand and a rocket launcher in another! "I'm gonna eat this ham sandwich, and YOU...ARE GONNA EAT LEAD!" Darian shouted at the Skyfoogle. The Skyfoogle then noticed a tin of lead paint sitting in the hallway, and proceeded to consume it. It was at this point that the lead poisoning turned it back into Roland and his headless mother.

However, Roland remembered what happened in one of his animes! There was this guy who was a mercinary, and a cyborg ninja! Well, it was a game and there's a General with a lunchbox so it's close enough. Roland proceeded to cop a feel from his dead mother, then he began powering up!

Suddenly, a mysterious figure appeared in the sky. It was his arch enemy, Lunchbox Murphy. Lunchbox Murphy fired sandwiches, chocolate and drinks at them, and Roland just had time to power himself up. General Darian notices Lunchbox Murphy and attempts to bury him in his own lunchbox!

It failed, however, as the the lunchbox was already cleaned out by Roland himself! "SHUT YA MOUTH, BITCH!" shouted Roland. "YA CAN'T RULE MY LIFE!" And the General Darian starts shouting "BALLS" over and over again until the entire building explodes from being shot at by missiles.

Suddenly a volcano arose from the building's remains and then the thing that emerged from the volcano was Gold! Mountains and mountains of gold! But then as Darian began to collect it, it turned out to all be chocolate gold coins. Roland was enough of a fatass, but he ate them anyway. And then Roland exploded into 300 pieces. They evaporated, and Roland was no more.

After these events, Batman was elected president of Japan and banned all anime forever. There was a huge uproar of this on the internet, but then all of the messages turned out to be from tpgb12. Lupin the 3rd was no more, and everything was brilliant. For Roland's funeral, they had to remove everything that he wanted for it that was anime-related. No more Hatsune Miku balloons, no more Lucky Star theme song for the burial.

Not even any Panty and Stocking posters. No Haruhi Posters. Not even Hamtaro. The world...General Darian was found to be alive, however. But then suddenly, the writer realised he hadn't written enough paragraphs! So he chugged down five bottles of Nyquil and got to work! It was revealed that Roland's arm was sown to General Darian, thus giving Roland full control over General Darian's mind! Somehow that works in Hideo Kojima land.

Roland controlled him to dress up as Lum! OH NO! Batman soon seeked out RolanDarian and killed his ass. And then everything was lovely once again. Noice. But then an anime girl with boobs with the face of Uncle Fester on each appeared in London!

However, nobody noticed this due to the abundant fog. The anime girl kidnapped Taizou, and tortured him! "Stop, horrible demon!" Said BATMAN. The anime girl paid no mind to Batman, but continued to torture the poor pander. That turned out to be a big mistake. Batman proceeded to throw a batarang at the girl's face.

The fatabatarang ripped her face in half, and all anime was fucked. Then, the anime girl's boobs started shooting split shots! They missed a lot, though. Most of the shots went right into the walls, while the others just totally missed. And then an Arab appeared in the room, and tried to do a jumpkick at the girl. His leg passed right through her body and he immediately died.

The girl pinned Batman to the wall and ripped his nuts off! Thankfully, however, those weren't his nuts. Those were actually smoke bombs in disguise. Batman proceeded to suplex the anime girl while she was distracted by the smoke bombs. The girl gave up, and bent to suck Batman's dick. And then the girl ran onto Tower Bridge, which was immediately destroyed by the Loch Ness Monster who got lost while going on holiday. Roland comes back as a zombie and skullfucks Batman.


End file.
